Johnny Lost A Tooth…

Okay, I lied, he lost two teeth. Okay, I lied again, we know exactly where they are. They fell right the fuck out of his mouth; one a victim of Mister PBJ, in the kitchen, with a gob of peanut butter, and the other a victim of Miss Apple, on the Blue’s Clue’s plate, also in the kitchen.

The kitchen is a dangerous place to take your teeth into, these days, Watson.

The Tooth Fairy extorted us out of four shiny quarters last night (what, you only give them one? cheap fucker…) and she’s coming for payback again, tonight. We leave the Baggie with their ex chopper in it under their pillow, and replace it with The Baggie O’ Quarters. Imagine their surprise.

Nat looks like shit today. Like she stayed up most of the night waiting to spot the Tooth Fairy. John commences to snoring like a hog, and sleeping like a log, but Nat lurks, oh yes she does.

To no good effect, though, because the wife is A) not stupid and B) has to answer The Call Of The Bladder in the early AM (must be her prostate) and has programmed herself to do the tooth-switch at the crusty crack of dawn, when all good children have lost consciousness.

John alarumed me some, showing up at my elbow, blood drooling over his chin, when he should have been brain-deep in Dora. We have been sopping up his Special Sauce, here and there, off and on, all weekend. I get this odd craving for grenadine. Beware of ‘tards bearing teeth…

…okay, that’s just sick and wrong…Lord, I apologise…

9 Responses to Johnny Lost A Tooth…

  1. lynch says:

    $1? We’ve been doing $3/tooth for a few years now. Damn inflation.

  2. Bane says:

    Damned Capitalist…

  3. Spacebunny says:

    Three bucks a tooth! Crap, for that kind of money I’l pull mine and put them under my pillow at your house!

    Were these his first teeth gone missing? What did he think of it? I”ve known some kids to freak out, but mostly they think it’s cool. Especially the boys.

    One family that I nannied for had to tell their kids that the tooth fairy wasn’t real because their oldest was so freaked out by the idea of a stranger coming into his room at night while he was sleeping.

  4. heidi says:

    While my children would gladly yank out every tooth in their head for $. I’ve caught them trying. And they only get $1 per tooth.

  5. Morrigan says:

    I hope he enjoys his toothfairy treasure!
    Bless him.

  6. Pablo says:

    $2 a tooth, but then we’re talking Canadian dollars here…

  7. LL says:

    $1 a tooth.

    And I must lodge a complaint. This soothing blue and gray SUCKS. You are orange and red flames. I’m disconcerted by this format.

  8. Spacebunny says:

    I’m with LL your choice of color schemes. It’s so NOT you.

  9. Bane says:

    I will change it as soon as I can figure out how to.

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