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Another Thread Gets Wacky…

Bill over at Bloviating Inanities suggested I post this, so, why not…free filler:

I never get zits, but the other day I got two, one on my forehead near the hairline, and another one low on my ass. I pondered busting them both at the same time, but I worried that I might just explode like one of those party poppers. As an aside, wives hate it when you ask them to bust your butt-boil cuz you can’t see it.
Also, standing on the bathroom counter to see your ass in the mirror is dangerous, and can result in some minor damage, but your kids will just laugh and laugh.

Posted by Bane at February 26, 2004 03:15 PM

The blackboard thing never bothered me. The whole class would cringe en masse when I passed a blackboard, and sometimes I would, and sometimes I wouldn’t…ahhhh, the Power.

But wood…yeesh, popsicle sticks, tongue depressors, wooden spoons…just writing this makes me want to puke. I don’t like wood in my mouth.

Posted by Bane at February 26, 2004 03:19 PM

You’re a freak, Bane.

Posted by Bill at February 26, 2004 04:29 PM

I would give good money to see Bane with a wooden spoon stuck in his mouth.

Posted by Madonna at February 26, 2004 04:41 PM

Just reading that line made me gag. I’m gonna name my next boil Madonna if you don’t watch out.

Posted by Bane at February 26, 2004 06:40 PM

I think I heard somewhere that the white gooey stuff is puss which is actually just dead little white cells that have banzai charged all the really gross bacteria living in the billions of little holes all over our bodies.

So it’s sort of like ‘burial on mirror’. Have a bit more respect as you make that face and wipe them away before casting them in the toilet for the oblivion of a sewer entombment. They gave their little lives for you, you ungrateful bastard.

A worse sound than braces on a chalkboard is a scream – and that would be your own as the braces get tangled in your pubies. That’s way worse. Fortunately that hasn’t happened in over 25 years.

Posted by Wind Rider at February 27, 2004 07:39 AM

Bane, you are just too kind to me.
WR you are one sick puppy. Actually, are you and Bane the same person ?

Posted by Madonna at February 27, 2004 09:02 AM

No. My braces story involve hers getting stuck in the living room rug and my parents are about to come home and I don’t know what to do so I call her best girlfriend who rushes over with a pair of cuticle scissors and trims the rug away from her braces and they both leave crying and I have to make up this lame story to explain why there’s a ‘chewed by wolverines’ looking patch out of the carpet in front of the fireplace…and why it’s wet.

Posted by Bane at February 27, 2004 11:47 AM

Dear God, you’re a sick bastard, Bane. You need to post that shit. It’s classic.

But the real reason I’m commenting it to make it an even 20 comments.

Posted by Bill at February 27, 2004 01:33 PM

I want to know when you developed your fear of wood.

Posted by Madonna at February 27, 2004 01:34 PM

Honestly? It may have been from my very early childhood when doctors were God and could be as abusive as they want to little kids and get away with it. I have memories from as early as six months old, and I can recall being very little and having ham-handed bullies in white with large glaring silver discs on their heads digging a huge board around in my throat making me gag and then slapping me and telling me “don’t be such a baby!” and fuck! I WAS a damn baby…

Dammit.

Posted by Bane at February 27, 2004 01:45 PM

So there…and if you go to Bill’s site to post, be gentle…he’s very sensitive and caring, and easily hurt.

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