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Warning! Orange Alert! Warning!

We are under a very heightened state of alert. This means that old ladies in wheelchairs, and blind white grandfathers (and their grandchildren) will be searched even more thoroughly, and the bins full of nail clippers will overflow.

This alert level is in no way intended to interfere with any illegal aliens who wish to cross our borders, or any ragperson who needs to get on a plane with several of his cohorts.

Thank you. Please continue to infiltrate the country.

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