People ask me, “Bane, how is it that you hate homosexuals, but you appear to like lesbians….are you some sort of a homocrite?”
I like to tell them “Fuck you!” and then squish their windpipe, but that’s hard to do over the internet (unless you’re Darth Vader…he’d give em a good squishen), so I will endeavour to explain:
Lesbians are women, whether they like it or not. I love women. I like women. Women are my friends. I am married to one, and I have brought two of them (women, not dykes…I hope) into the world. How many women have you helped your wife cook up in the Easy Bake Oven? Then shut up.
Okay, back to dykes: the pretty ones that look like actual women don’t bother me at all…we can poach freely in each other’s herds, and if I find her in bed with my wife, well, Yahoo! There’s gonna be some pokin goin on!
The ones that don’t look like women, look like yard gnomes, and I think yard gnomes are cute, with their little Ben Franklin glasses, their stripedy pants, and their cute little butchy hair. And, outside of their silly parades, they’re mostly quiet about their condition, and they don’t have dicks. It’s all good.
Yeah, I know the Bible had some harsh things to say about Lesbos, but I already done told you…I’m a Bad Christian, not a Good One…I’ve got plenty other shit in my life to worry about going to hell over than to worry about some muff-munchers.
Hope that clears things up.
Next Week: How Bane feels about Negroes!