I will try to make it through a Rant without using the word cocksucker…dammit, blew it all ready. Actually, I think I’m too tired to rant today. I caught my 17 year old daughter and her 19 year old boyfriend last night parked in front of my house playing tonsil-hockey. They didn’t see me they were so interlocked, like snakes mating, so I went back into the house to fetch a weapon, preferably bone-breakingly blunt…I planned to beat him senseless and then rip off his Holiday Balls and mount them on his aerial in a festive display. My better angel had me go upstairs instead and fetch the Bushnell’s and I watched them grope for over 30 minutes, so when he came to apologize to me at work today (oh, yeah, I confronted her when she came in last night), swearing that he “hadn’t touched her below the neck”, I could say in happy confidence “yes, I know, I was watching you with my binoculars.” I thought he was gonna faint. But he was a Man about things, apologized, and, since he is going to become a doctor and it is almost enevitable that he and my daughter will one day marry, I forgave him.
Tomorrow is ‘The Day’, and I actually have a friend (hereafter known as ‘dumbass’) that has chosen to fly somewhere on ‘The Day’…I outta call in a bomb threat when she’s been in the air for awhile, just for grins, but I won’t (honest, Mr. Carnivore Sir!). I believe I will avoid the news…I only watch it for the pictures, anyway. Were I Bush, tomorrow is the day I would launch Operation ‘Subdue The Dervish’…a few well tended mushroom cloud farms could bring us relative peace for a long, long time. And don’t hand me that shit about how ‘one nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day’…we all used to pop those fuckers off right and left…until the test ban treaty, and I don’t see any ‘nuclear winter’, or any other bullshit happening…Pussies…with cruise missiles and other technologies, we could have surgical nuclear strikes happening all over the world within one hour, and no one would need to know where they came from…kinda like Uncle SamQaida…pussies…give ME that fuckin button!

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