The Towers…

September 27, 2002

I think they should rebuild the towers exactly as they were, with the exception of incorporating modern improvements that were made and/or discovered since they were first built. This would include mounting Phalanx weapons systems and anti-air missiles, staffed full time on the roof, changing watch only by helicopter (I think every large city in America should be protected this way).

Two new towers would be the best ‘Fuck You’ we could say, and the best memorial for the big puddle of American DNA that would be buried honorably underneath them.

I think we should, today, send nuclear capable cruise missles, most unarmed, into the heart of every muslum capital city and ‘holy’ site on the planet, televised live on CNN via ‘missle-cam’, with a presidential address to follow.

Mr. Bush would just say, “you’ve had your warning shot, next time they’re real. The next attack of any sort on American soil, the missles will be armed. The next attack on American interests any where else in the world, the missles will be armed. As you can see, all of the missles that I sent to Iraq today…were armed. Do not test my resolve, or the resolve of the American people, or we…will…bury…you. I have ordered today that all American embassies be closed in every muslim country we have them in, and in any country that supports terrorism. This includes France. I have also today ordered every non-western embassy in the United States closed, and have had all of their staffs deported. Each country so effected may petition to reopen their embassy’s here, with an understanding that any act of espionage from here on out will be considered an Act of War, and will be dealt with severely. All aid to these countries has been suspended until they petition us for aid, and agree to follow certain guidleines and restrictions regarding trade, human rights, and other issues as yet to be worked out with the Secretary Powell and the State Department. Any Act of War or terrorism against the State of Isreal will be considered an Act of War against the United States of America. This will be reevaluated if and when the current PLO government is replaced with a genuine, fairly elected, constitutional democracy. Hear my words, fear my country, and do not doubt that we have the will to do what is necessary.”
Yeah…I wish.


82133818

September 25, 2002

I thought I’d learned my lesson. Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, I sat with other writers and we critiqued each others work. Some of us were ‘professionals’, meaning we had been paid for our blitherings ‘by the word’. One of our group was the person who wrote the adaptation for ‘Escape From New York’. I fucked his girlfriend, and smoked some genuine Panama Red with him, for which he’d traded a brand new Maytag washer and dryer set that he’d ‘purchased’ with his recently ex-wife’s credit card.
What’s the point? I swore then that I would never sit around in another circle-jerk of fragile egos, and give my opinion of ‘works in progress’, some of which made me cringe in embarrassment, some turning me green with jealousy, and some blackening my heart with the urge to steal…
Writing is not a team sport. Masturbation, at best, includes only one other person who you must care VERY much about. Otherwise, just shut the fuck up, paint the fence, and deal with the critics afterwards, eh?


82081228

September 24, 2002

Jeez, does Larry King look like someone let all the air out of his head, or what? I think whoever did it had enough air left to go pump up Bill O’Reilly’s and Neil Cavuto’s heads WAY beyond their PSI threshold. There is not one Newsfuck worth the powder to blow them up today, except for Brit Hume…remember how he was such a non-entity, and then Bill Clinton had his kid whacked to shut him up? Oh, sure, the other Newsfucks reported it as ‘suicide’, but Brit knew better, and BOY did he come out swinging. There is one guy who doesn’t give a shit, and knows how to walk the ragged edge…I don’t know how he survives.


82033476

September 23, 2002

Man, I never realized how much I hated John Gruden until I watched that shitty game tonight…he reminds me of every little frat-rat preppy fuck I’ve ever punched in the face just for being stupid…Go Raiders!…especially now you’ve got a real adult man for a coach. Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish…

And didn’t that little baby-smacking Irish dog cunt-bitch become a media super star over the weekend? Nobody mentions how she dyed her hair so’s she could run…ahhh, who gives a shit, OJ proved all you need is a sharp knife and sharper lawers to get away with…whatever.

If we had a future, you could trace the coming fall of this country to the juxtaposition of the OJ trial with the Clinton presidency. All of the chickens from the sixties finally came home to roost…stick a fork in us…we’re done…game over. When Clinton’s final perfidy is revealed, which was the sale of the cream of America’s technological secrets to China…all any True Amurrican is gonna have time to do is bend over and kiss their ass goodbye…and you won’t have time to wash it, either.


81905617

September 20, 2002

Man, I have to fart…oops! Hey, corn!


Marital Bliss…

September 20, 2002

Well, I’m sending my wife away for the weekend to a quiet place in the mountains for a ‘retreat’, away from me and the squallin youngn’s…don’t need her freaking out and engaging in an act of terminal child-bathing cuz she never gets a break, and she snaps one day.

The husband of that crazy bitch in Texas, you know the one, bitch got a ‘little overzealous’ while teaching her kids to snorkle… he should be thrown, bound and naked into the cage of a Viagra’d up mountain gorilla…and did you see that malignant cunt on Fox News today, slugging her four year old daughter? She goes in the cage next. First (and lesser) offenders should be forced to watch the video tape as a warning that next time it could be their ass getting reamed by Koko and his Big Pink Banana.
Fuck privacy, I’m glad that the proliferation of security cameras is catching people like this baby-bashing douchebag…I wanna reach up her snatch and rip out her reproductive organs, like a bloody distributor cap and some spurting plug wires…some people just aren’t fit to breed, and they’re just gonna pass on the disease to their kids. I’m almost afraid to see how that poor little girl turns out, assuming she survived the beating.
I once assisted a DA Homicide Investigator in securing a piece of evidence from a crime scene…the evidence was the entire west wall of the home’s dining room. The wall was decorated with several interesting and colorful blood-spray patterns, indicating where some animal rat bastard had bashed his toddler son’s head against it many, many times. The DA felt that it would be an effective exhibit to wheel into the courtroom for the jury to see.
It was.


81759969

September 17, 2002

So anyway, there I was, just a bit ago, taking a Shiite and reading the paper…I finish and check out my work, and I realize that I have made a perfect sculpture of Yasser Arafat!…you can almost see his fat lip quivering, and some of the toilet paper has wrapped around his head, you know, a little speckled and all, and then I get that ‘just stood up piss urge’, so I spatter his head into chunks ‘dat dat dat dat dat’…and you know, I just felt so…like, you know…a Global Citizen, like I had…really done my part to make the world a better place, and then I cramped again and sat back down to try another dune-coon sculpture…but I just made a mess of it. Sorry.