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Get Off My Lawn!

It has come to my attention that people that I do not like have come here, rummaging around and leaving fingerprints on the inside of my monitor screen.

Go Away! I hate ya! Don’t make me rock-salt yer ass!

The rest of you…go get me another damn beer.

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Need Another Reason To Hate Catholics?

I don’t, either, but here’s one, anyway.

Boy-fucking men in dresses…what’s not to love?

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Bring It On, Part II…

This cheers me up. I just hate it when they hide.

I just hope that raghead ain’t lying…making stuff up. This world needs a good Nuclear High Colonic, and somebody has to start it.

Fingers crossed!

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All Right, You Bitches…

It seems some folk come here, just for me being nasty. Since I can’t help myself, that’s about as pitiful as setting up a strobe light on the sidewalk, and waiting for some unfortunate epileptic to come along and spaz out.

Hey! Sometimes I think! And, like, have an opinion…about stuff…

Dudes/ettes…it just don’t matter. Rent a storage unit, and put 55 gallon drums full of fuel, ammo, and batteries…and other stuff that it is going to be difficult to get ahold of when civilization falls…

…soon.

If you’ve got a basement, or bunker, so much the better.

Wormwood is coming…

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Sari About That…

Hey, maybe you assholes should move? Or set up tents…on a trampoline. We don’t need to invade Iran. We can just put a bunch of people on the border, and have them jump up and down until the whole place falls over.

Man, doesn’t the morning weather girl on Fox News look like some Sorority Babe that I used to shag, or what?

Friday? Already?

Thank God.

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The Goddess Ann Speaks!

Go, ye, and worship!

I just finished watching her as she deftly eviscerated that Irish nigger pig O’Reilly on his own show…her clit is bigger than his alcohol preserved little Gherkin…

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!

Dammit!…O’Reilly has to be the love child of Madeline Albright’s pussy-fart, cross-breeding with Al Franken’s skidmark…he is not worthy to chew the stains from Rush’s speedo…

FUCK!!

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Ain’t THIS Some Shit…

Articles like this make me want to invent a time machine and go back and abort bureaucrats who are responsible for debacles like this.

Instead of baby wipes and cookies, should we be mailing them cases of ammo?

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More Cuntism…

Read this, and tell me again why you want to pay any ‘Institution of Higher Learning’ one penny to ‘educate’ your kids.

Just get it over with quick, like pulling off a bandage…cut their genitals off, ram a crochet hook up their nose and fish around for a bit, and BINGO! You got a libtard!

Save a LOT of money that way…

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I’d almost Forgotten…

I was reading a post on Road Rage at this blog, and was driven to comment thusly:

It helps when you point a gun at them.

When my kids were little, I taught all four of that batch to give The Zapper Finger on command. As a Good Parent, I made sure they knew that it was only allowable to show The Zapper Finger in the car, and only when Daddy said, or Daddy would bend it a little.

“Red car! On the left! Zapper Finger!”…and the startled driver would be treated to four chubby fists sprouting middle fingers.

Parenting is a skill.

Indeed…and there are many more stories too numerous to mention here.

And yes, the statute of limitations is past.

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It’s Hard To Rant…

…yet somehow I manage. It is 10ish on a Sunday morning. I have just spewed two unique posts in ten minutes. I am eating cold pizza and drinking a glass of wine. Can life GET any better than this?

I called one of my sons yesterday, and told him I was afraid that Something Bad was about to happen, because things are going Too Damn Good.

There is always a moment of warmth and bliss, just before Life inserts the glass-encrusted dildo right up your rectum, with perhaps more enthusiasm than such an event warrants.

Nevertheless…

Hmmm, let’s see…

My motherboard on my old computer fried last Sunday, and between then and now, I have built a badass P4 Game Monster (the parts of which were a birthday present from last year) and I have become a member of a gun range, a birthday present from this year.

So, Friday after work, I went to my orientation for the range. I took guns. I have a confession to make…

Bane has not fired a gun in seven years. Except for drunken, back-yard shooting during holidays, and the covert sniping of various house pets, wildlife, and miscreants. But today, I am surrounded by gun parts in various stages of cleaning, and typing on a computer so fast that I have yet to see an hourglass.

I was up til 2am loading games, just so I could watch the beginning videos. OOOOO! Ahhhhh!

My toughest decision today is whether to go see ‘Troy’, or finish cleaning my guns and go back to the range. Or both. Or finish my wine and go back to bed.

Sigh…this can’t bode well…

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Man, I Hate Catholics…

I just watched this stupid-ass catholic twat of a senator or congresshithead on FOX News (“We’re so fair and balanced we have Geraldo and Eleanor Clift on the payroll!”)…

He was being flagrantly catholic (no, I will not capitalize a false religion), yet he is one of 48 of his political swine-kind, holding office, representing many of the People Of The United States, and yet still whining about how the church is threatening to suspend them from engaging in paganistic ritual acts of cannibalism, if these psuedo-catholics do not quit supporting the murder of infants, and other assorted acts of barbarism usually associated with the Democratic Party.

If you are a catholic, tough. Change your Evil Ways. Get over it. Study your ‘religion’, it’s roots, realize you are a pawn of satan, and repent.

And remember, odds are that the fingers slipping that cracker into your mouth have more than likely recently been wrapped around a little boys dick.

Rinse with the wine, spit on the shaman, and go home and watch Nascar.

…come The Judgement, you’ll thank me.

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“4,000 Acres Lost…”

No they weren’t dipshit. They’re still there, they’re just all burned up.

I mostly don’t care how you manipulate the language. Heck, I even enjoy Ebonics. But the circumulous, illogical, nonsensical blather the News-twats use in an attempt to ‘describe’ an actual person, place, thing, or event just serves to rewire the gullible into a new paradigm of thought.

And there lies the danger…the creeping quicksand of dis and misinformation is swallowing us slowly, and wholly.

The next society is going to come upon our hat, quivering on the surface of the pool of muck that swallowed us, and wonder what went wrong…

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Yippy-Ki-Yay, Motherfucker!

Happy Tank Day, Palestinkians!

I see that the Israelis are helping you celebrate Tank Day with even more enthusiasm than usual. This bodes well. You think Sharon reads this blog? Heh. If gunships hose a street full of Hamassholes during a funeral, I’ll know I’ve got a Big Fan.

Palestinkians? Hey, if they can make up the name of a nonexistant people and a fake country, so can I. Ditto for Jordan.

If you’ve read the above mentioned link, have you ever seen a more flagrant piece of propaganda? ‘Palestinian Militants’…that’s like calling Jeff Dahmer a ‘Serial Chef’.

That GW can even think about giving the ’stinkians any legitimacy at all, illustrates just how clueless and bankrupt he is and always has been. He has Saudi DNA all over his chin, and is every bit and more the crook his dad was…and Clinton was just the twisted bookmark between those two sorry chapters in history.

How much do you want to bet that Saddam goes free, and eventually regains power? Hmmmm? A sucker bet if I’ve ever seen one. My money says by next Christmas. Mark this spot.

Kerry is not an option. Get your ass up off the couch and vote for Bush, just so I don’t have to look at that moon-faced buttfuck for four years. Then wipe your ass with the vote receipt, and mail it to the White House.

Rumsfeld and Franks deserve all the credit for the amazing success of the invasion of the Middle East. That victory was the Bush Administration’s to fuck up, and they are doing an admirable job of it.

And is it my imagination, or does Tom Ridge use Preparation H for lipstick? That purse-mouth putz must have to push an M&M into his mouth with a pencil. Sheesh.

I’m listening to Rush cap on Kerry’s daughter for ’showing her tits’. Lay off, Rush. Even a moron knows that sheer dresses allow certain flash settings to go through and reflect off of the skin. Besides, they were nice tits.

On a side note: The Olympics are all about showing off your country’s flag. I will not watch one second of the Olympics. Any of our athletes that participate, under the ‘no flag’ rules, should be ashamed of themselves. My family will boycott any product they endorse.

Fukkem.

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Hey, Vox, Whaddaya Think Of…

…this?

This looks like it could be one of the horsemen of the Apocalypse, to me, but what do I know.

I can foresee a situation where they attack us simply because of a fear of losing the economic war, with much of the pre-Pearl Harbor panic Japan had because of the various economic denials Roosevelt was laying on them (i.e., steel, rubber, and oil).

Hmmmm…

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It Ain’t Just The Jews, Baby!

Like Army Ants, anything the muslim dogs swarm across gets killed.

Pregnant women, kids, all are fair game. If they are not doing it in your neighborhood right now, it is only because a crafty Imam has stayed their hand.

I know where every mosque within a hundred miles of me is. I know where they nest. When the shit hits the fan, and I have no doubt that it will, I’m taking it to them and their family, before they can bring it to mine.

At least those Nigerians in the article knew they were in danger.

Most of America still doesn’t have a clue.

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The Saloon Is Empty…

That part of the old westerns always made me sad…the drunken gunslinger, alone in the Long Branch, no one to keep him company but maybe a spraddled old whore, and a bartender polishing glasses, staying close to the sawed-off under the bar.

TGIF, eh? I’ve decisions to make, and things to do. My aforementioned computer is fucked…trust me, when you get a ‘BIOS ROM Checksum Error’ message on boot, and your PC cuts an electronic fart at you, you’re fucked. And you don’t even get a kiss.

I may assemble my new one tomorrow. I surely intend to, but lethargy lurks around every corner. I have offered to watch the nubbins while the wife goes to see ‘Troy’, tomorrow. I lost interest when I read that he is ‘hung like a hamster’…I haven’t told the wife.

Besides, I despise that fucking elf that’s his costar, and I only liked the other guy when he was green. Is it my imagination, or does a certain British actor keep being resurrected from the dead to play tottering heads of state? I thought he was exanimate. Oh well.

I’ve been offered $12,000 for three months of work, with a percentage of any realized profits that could make me 100 to 500K by Christmas. Dammit. I love my current job. I got to cut down a tree today, and drive a tractor. I spent the rest of the time solving computer problems. Bliss.

I can’t recall one time in my life, other than shooting pool, where I have done something for the money. Sigh. I pretty much have everything I want, except the 17 year old sex-crazed concubine that my wife should give me for my birthday. Sigh.

My current boss has taken in a stray. Psychiatrists would use fancy phrases to describe him, because they don’t get paid as much for writing ‘Fucking Nuts’ in the diagnosis. He has fairly mad computer skilz, but one part of his madness is a propensity to love all things Linux, and to fear and despise all things Bill Gates. Like I said, insane.

My diagnosis of him? Schizo-Affective, with a heapin helpin of paranoia, and maybe some autism from column C. Nice guy, but he makes me so nuts it has become fun to fuck with him…

“Dude, if you change my homepage from Google to ‘blank’ again, I’m gonna post your photo in a Microsoft chatroom!”

[random mutterings about Google and spyware]

“I mean it, I’ll make a virus and sign it with your name!”

Sigh. The lights flicker, and his eyes narrow with suspicion, and he peers at the screen like a robin sounding for a worm…I pounce…”Did you see that?”

“What!?!”

“There…just for a second…I thought I saw someone looking through the screen at us…”

A few minutes later, the network goes down, and it takes me a half an hour to disable the three firewall demos he’s downloaded and activated.

A van pulls up from the power company…they are here to install a remote reader so the meter person can bill us by doing a drive-by from way down the road.

“Dude, I bet they’re from Ashcroft…putting some kinda Patriot Act shit on us to monitor our shit and stuff…”

His eyes narrow…for the next half an hour, he peers at them from between the blinds, and finally goes out to watch them and ask sly questions.

“Dude, I swear my fillings are transmitting some kind of radio chatter…”

His eyes widen in genuine terror…

“Ahhh, dammit, they’re back!”

…and he bolts.

Just doing my part…just doing my part…

If you’re 17, and really hot, call my wife for an appointment, and maybe you, too, can do my part..

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The Goddess Speaks!

Kneel before her Wisdom and Beauty!

Although I must say that I am no big supporter of Fox News. They are merely several degrees less reprehensible than the others.

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See?

Radical Shiite cleric Moqtada Sadr offers to end uprising and disband his militia if US-led coalition agrees to negotiations sponsored by Iraqi Shiite religious authorities. Offer follows heavy battle losses and demand by new provincial governor Adnan al-Zofi to disband his Mehdi Army. (via Debka)

When you kick their ass hard enough, they stop their shit.

Why the stupid Arabs blew up the UN is beyond me, because the UN holds these bastards dicks just the way they like them held.

Speaking of, I wish our snipers over there would start targeting these assholes in the crotch when they can. That would shake those bastards up, watching their buddies screaming in a heap, clutching the bloody hole where their little dick used to be.

Heh.

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When Is Taking A Shit…

…a Bad Thing?

When your computer does it.

I’ve got my money on a Boot Sector virus, but…hey, they were REALLY nice titties!

Until I get this sorted out, my wit and wisdom may be even more sporadic than usual.

Feel free to use this opportunity to go plunge your proboscii deeply between the succulent cheeks of my archives. If you post a comment, I will come…if I deem it to be worthwhile, I will move the post (and it’s comment(s)) up into the current week, where everybody can see.

If shit does not happen, hey…my computer is fucked…give me a break while I assemble my new one.

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I’ve Been Robbed!

Copy cat, you dirty rat, you stole my mother’s baseball bat…

Once again, ahead of the curve.

(via the Drunk Report)

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Hug A Muslim Day…

I declare fatwa. I repent all of my inflammatory language earlier.

I want you all to go give the next Muslim you see a great big hug, and tell them you’re sorry. Bad American!

Forget that not one Muslim leader has spoken out against the murder of Americans, or in support of Israel. That is not important.

I don’t CAIR any more. We need to understand our Muslim brothers. Go, join their religion. Enter their Mosques in droves. Sign up, and kneel. Call your friends. Pack those Mosques, and kneel side by side with your Muslim brothers. I am sure they will welcome you. Islam is a peaceful religion.

And then give your new Muslim brother a hug. Around the neck. Really, really tight.

I hear they like that.

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Losing Your Head…

You still whining about the hazing if the Iraqi prisoners?

Read this, and then go off somewhere and fuck yourself if you still have issues with it.

We are already killing these fuckers in nice big bunches, but we need to work harder.

Much, much harder.

Update:

I just heard the queers on Fox News say “We’ll show you the video, but of course we’re not going to show you the beheading…”

But of course. Assholes. No wonder we have people growing up in this country today that can be Kerry voters.

Well, I’ve got the whole video right here (via Ogrish.com). It’s over five minutes long, and loads slow as heck. I bet their servers are getting hit pretty hard. The usual shitty Arab quality, and you have to listen to their alien jabber, but here ya go…

Get tough, America.

Another Update…

So, what was your favorite part? His screaming? The thoughts you had about his family, unable to avoid it, watching his final chapter in their home video?

I thought the dangling, decapitated head was a nice touch.

Oh, shut up, you cunts. You’re not going to do one damn fucking thing about this, so shut the fuck up. You have lost all right of comment on this.

Hey, just keep telling yourselves that it is just a few extremists, misrepresenting a peaceful religion.

And then kneel…

…and bare your neck.

You’re next, and it will be my greatest, saddest pleasure, to hear you all scream like the weakling pigs you are.

Just fuck off and die, already.

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Where’s James Earl Ray…

…when you need him?

Run, Jesse, run…

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Go See…

Van Helsing…

Don’t click on the link until after you’ve seen the movie. One of the rare times Eberts is right on.

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I Knew I Hated Hackworth…

…for a reason.

First place he runs to is 60 Minutes? What a fucking bloviating cunt. Most decorated soldier my ass. He bought his trinkets at the same store Kerry bought his.

This is why all of my heroes are from fiction…a real human will always end up letting you down.

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God…

…Showing Off…

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Hindsight…

I want to interview people who support Rumsfeld’s ouster, and who are outraged about the treatment of Iraqi prisoners.

I want to interview them after the first dirty bomb has ruined an American city. I want to see the expression on their faces after a US military base is decimated by a chemical weapon. After an aircraft carrier battle group is destroyed by a nuclear mine, I want to ask them if maybe they think we should have been really torturing these enemy combatants in Iraq and Guantanamo.

This current photo release is just too bizarre looking. I’ve seen plenty of scandals break, and this doen’t look normal. It looks staged. Some sort of bizarre psy-ops plan? Could be.

I have heard people say that this will make the Arabs fight and not surrender. Have you seen one photo in the last year of an ‘Arab Fighter’ coming out of a building, waving a white flag? One?

I have already told you that they torture and rape our prisoners. There have been enough of theirs released back to their communities so that the ‘Arab Street’ knows this story is either bullshit, or not what they experienced.

There are wheels within wheels, here. I notice that all of the cameras that would be hounding our troops as they go about the efficient destruction of Sadr’s militia are now focused on this prisoner abuse nonsense. Our boys are cheerfully killing ragheads by the dozens, and taking little or no losses doing it. That can mean only one thing…heavy armor and air power are doing the dirty work, and that is messy. And all we see for the most part on television is naked Iraqis.

Hmmmm. Someone seems to be using their head.

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Consumer Warning!

Baby food is not made from real babies.

Sorry. And I had such high hopes for the lamb.

Dirty liars.

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The Holy City Of Las Vegas…

I’ve been there on a pilgrimage. Then I left and went to the Holy City of Needles, then to the Holy City of Barstow.

Of course, this was a few years before several Islamoloons crashed airplanes into buildings in the Holy City of New York.

I used to live in the Holy Town of Paradise, in the mountains above the Holy City of Chico. It’s none of your business which Holy City I live in now, but you can be darn sure it’s Holy.

Holy Holy Holy. Yep, that’s our towns and cities. The lowest place in America is more Holy than any pile of dog dump shithole city that Arabs may label as Holy. But our press sure takes it serious, don’t they? You can just hear the reporter yelling before airtime “Did the bombing happen in a Holy City? Fuck! Which ones of these are Holy Cities?”

You folks need to start to do this in all of your communications. You no longer live in L.A., you live in ‘The Holy City of L.A.’.

Get it?

Next time you call a travel agent, ask them how much it will cost you to fly from Holy City A, to Holy City B…if they give you any shit, tell them you’ll take your business elsewhere.

There is a wave of ijjits on the internet of bloggers becoming mail order ministers. They think they are funny. Ha ha. Instead, why not declare yourself to be an Imam? You can declare Fatwas, and beat your wife!

Well, I have to go take a Holy Shit on the Throne of Allah. See ya!

Open wide, Allah, here it comes!

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Dear Iraqis…

In case you stumble across this blog of mine, I just want you to know something. Bush is our President, but he doesn’t speak for us. We are a free people, unlike you herd-pigs, and we think and speak for ourselves.

I am amused and gladdened every time I see the so-called ‘abuse’ photos, where you dogs are being treated the way you deserve to be treated. Well, you deserve to be tortured and killed, but I can accept a little humiliation, if that’s all I can get. It’s all good.

Just because most Americans have forgotten that virtually every one of our female prisoners taken by you ragheads was raped, doesn’t mean I have forgotten. You raped a lot of our male prisoners, too. What’s with you faggots? Every time I see a picture of one of you, you are either jacking off, or in a crazed homo fuckpile. I pity our good soldiers having to witness this sort of deviant behavior. And for goodness sakes, there’s ladies present! Cut it out, you horndogs!

And hey, what’s with all this dying in custody you wimps do? What a bunch of pussies. Seems you guys just can’t hang when a civilized human wants to ask you a few questions…you stiffen up like a possum and fall over dead.

Anyway, Iragis? What I want you to do, is to go find a bunch of US military personnel and run up to them screaming your displeasure and waving your rifles at them. Really let them know how pissed you all are about this. Find the GI’s with machine-guns…they’ll be the most impressed by your display of Righteous Muslim Anger.

Well, Iragis, I have to go to work, so I’ll sign off for now. But I want you to think of me all day, wiping my ass with the koran, and naming every dump I take ‘Allah’. I just wish I was there to kick your primitive asses for you as well, but the True God has not seen fit to allow that.

Love,

Bane

PS: I bet George Bush is really laughing his ass off in private about how stupid you all look with those bags over your heads, having our women laughing and pointing at your little dicks.