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Friday Funny…

UNscary

Via Cox & Forkum.

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Lost In Translation…

“Guilty until proven innocent…” Pretty words. Meaningless, really. We all know that’s bullshit, and yet you all chant it like a mantra.

“All men are created equal…” Hah! Apparently the author never showered after gym class.

“Money does not buy happiness…” Bullshit. It does all the time. You don’t get GNP from selling misery, so someone must be buying happiness.

“But…we’re better than they are…” Different, maybe. I’ll grant you that, but better? Did anybody ask ‘them’?

“If we’re just nice to them, they’ll start to like us…” Tell that to all of the missionaries currently boiling in pots right now.

“Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong…” Uhhh, darn, that one’s right…

“You can fool some of the people all of the time…” dang, ditto.

“Give the government a big enough penis, and it will surely fuck you with it, repeatedly, and without lubrication…” Awww, you caught me. I just made that one up.

Toodle along now, and draw comfort from whichever slogans your team is using that give you comfort. Go on, shoo! Don’t worry, be happy. It’s not getting dark because the sky is falling…

Trust me.

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Save Yourself…

…kill them all…

Bonus points for the movie reference…

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Okay, It’s Time…

I’ve heard and read all of the arguments for and against the ‘torture’ of the Iraqi prisoners, and I have made up my mind.

I’m all for it.

There. If you disagree with me, don’t bother, because all of your reasons are wrong, fallacious, and based on faulty reasoning.

Arabs take prisoners for the following reasons: First, to hold for ransom…Secondly, to rape, torture and eventually kill at their own leisure…Thirdly, to make the prisoners family and/or tribe behave or stop behaving in some way or the other.

The only thing those troops did wrong, is to allow those photos to fall into enemy hands. The fact that people who are secretly delighted at those troops behavior have to publicly harrumph over it, and that some people actually are horrified by it, lends credence to my thesis that America has become irrevocably pussified.

Well, except for some of our military personnel.

And me.

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Just When I Thought…

I couldn’t hate John McCain any more than I already do…

Manchurian Candidate, indeed.

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Playing Hooky…

You may have noticed a lot more posting this week than usual. I have been home with some sort of mutant flu, courtesy of my rugrats (can’t say rug-munchers any more, can we?).

That, and a weeks worth of an eye medication that makes me touch type, have kept me home for the week.

I’m gonna go see ‘Man on Fire’ today…hope I don’t run into the boss.

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For Your Edification…

Go here for a proper edjumuhcation on all things Moonbat.

It made me smile.

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The Goddess Ann Speaks…

Go and worship.

Not one, but THREE perfect lines!

What a wasted marketing opportunity! Imagine the great slogans the airlines could use:

“Now Frisking All Arabs – Twice!”

“More Civil-Rights Lawsuits Brought by Arabs Than Any Other Airline!”

“The Friendly Skies – Unless You’re an Arab”

“You Are Now Free to Move About the Cabin – Not So Fast, Mohammed!”

And:

Worst of all, the Department of Transportation ordered the settlement money to be spent on civil-rights programs to train airline staff to stop looking for terrorists, a practice known as digging your own grave and paying for the shovel.

And!

If John Kerry would promise to fire Norman Mineta and start racial profiling at the airports, I would campaign for him. Unfortunately, like George Bush, Kerry doesn’t travel commercial air with the little people.

Priceless.

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This Is A Great Line…

This line, from this blog:

It was a well-written short bio but I felt sorry for the author who obviously grabbed the short straw during assigment week and got stuck trying to put a party dress on that coiling turd.

Great imagery…wish I’d written it.

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If You Love Me…

Buy me this gun.

Found at Kim’s blog. I’d love a pair of these.

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If They Will Kill Their Own Child…

…what makes you think that they won’t fuck you up?

Dipshits. Shoulda had Mace, at the very least. You lay a hand on me, and you’re going to cough up a lung.

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Catch & Release…

Another reason why we are going to lose the War on Terror.

The Money Quote:

One released prisoner, Mullah Shehzada, is serving as a “senior” Taliban commander. The officials say that alarming development—as well as information developed about four released detainees sent back to Britain—shows that the Gitmo population is far more dangerous than most of the public understands. Administration officials are especially aghast over the released British prisoners, who U.S. intelligence says are hardened Islamic extremists trained in urban warfare and assassination techniques at Qaeda camps before 9/11; one of them met several times with Osama bin Laden.

Indeed.

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Weep For Fallujah…

Cry for Najaf.

Then go here, and you’ll feel better about dead ragheads.

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If You Are Not Thinking About This…

EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!

…you are wrong.

Update:

Use this link to get larger photos for your desktops, and to email to liberal friends on dial-up…though why you would have a liberal friend is beyond me.

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The Price Of A Turd…

…is one Starburst Fruit Chew. It’s Official. That’s what I had to give for a conflict-free dump from my baby daughter today, who was very adamant that she didn’t have to go, until the conclusion of negotiations, whereupon she downloaded a butt-load. Why pay more? We only charge the going rate, shop now!

If you have sex with your sister, and your other sister gets jealous, do you have a Conflict of Incest?

I dunno…again, we’ve got a hot war going on right now, and the News-Pukes are showing me pictures of Kobe Bryant, and other worthless flecks of toilet rim spatter.

And the fact that there is even an argument that Jose Padilla should not be hung after a nice, quick military tribunal, pours fresh cement on the already sealed cap over the grave of Our Country As It Was Meant To Be.

Any time I hear the vapid arguments and whinings against John Ashcroft and the Patriot Act, and whimperings about “losing our freedoms”, I know that I am dealing with the kind of person who in the movie goes downstairs into the dark basement to fix the fuse because ‘we live in a rational world, and nothing bad could happen, right?’

“What was that? Hey, Charlie, go check the horses…”

Yeah, Chuck, let me know how that works out for ya.

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This Is…

Probabably why we are going to lose the War on Islam.

It’s okay for them to butcher and rape our prisoners, but when a few of our guys goof around with some of theirs, a Marine General grows a vagina.

I can only hope that they are lying, and will continue to treat these arab dogs with the contempt they deserve.

A generation of young people, exposed to the subhumanity of those they meet over there, are going to fundamentally change the flow of ‘diversity awareness’ that is going on now. And they will raise their kids to hate ragheads, too.

Good. Maybe we’ll have a chance of survival in the long run, but not playing by these silly-ass rules the way we seem to be doing, now.

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Celebrating Perversity…

I wrote this on May first of last year. I reprint it here in honor of the festivities in Washington this weekend:

A female friend of mine asked for my help in getting an abortion back in the 70’s. I forget how far along she was, but she was at least a few months along. It wasn’t my baby, so I didn’t care and said sure. She paid my gas and bought beer, and we went to the clinic and she asked me to come in with her. The staff assumed I was the father, so there was no problem with me going in. They gloved me up and gave her a big old shot of Pitocin, and left me alone with her. Some time passed, and she began looking for all the world like she was having a baby. The nurse came in once and told me to encourage her to push, and went back out to help other girls kill their babies. After one particularly huge pushing event, I heard a squishy, popping sound, and I looked under her drape and there was a puppy…no, wait, it was a little dark haired baby…for some reason I picked it up in my hands. It filled my cupped hands, its tennis ball sized head covered with dark brown hair, its little legs going back along my wrists. Through the gloves, I could feel it’s warmth…its heartbeat…it moved a little as it died, probably because no one came to clear its lungs. The girl just stared up at the ceiling, breathing hard…tears running down her cheeks into her ears. Touched for some reason, I held it until the nurse came and took it from me and put it in a pan and took it away. She came back in a couple of minutes and helped me dress the girl. She looked at us with a strange light in her eyes and said “it was a girl”…I think she was upset. The girl sobbed softly and we didn’t talk on the trip back.

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Green Side Up!

A woman had a contractor over to discuss the interior painting she wanted done on her house.

They started in the kitchen, where, after looking at some paint samples, she decided on the yellow.

As they were about to move on into the dining room, he rushed over to her kitchen window, opened it, and shouted “Green side up!”

She shrugged off this behavior, as he returned to acting perfectly professional, and eventually they decided on a nice Tuscany Cream for the paint scheme of the dining room. As they headed on in to the living room, he once again rushed over to the dining room widow, threw it open, and shouted “Green side up!”

She was becoming a little disturbed by this behavior, but he returned to his profesional demeanor, and they eventually settled on a nice mauve for her living room’s color scheme. As he was closing his sample book and putting his pen back in his shirt pocket, he once again hurried over to the front door, threw it open, and shouted “Green side up!!”

She had finally had enough of this, and asked him why he was doing that.

He chuckled and said, “Oh, that? It’s okay, I just have a crew of blondes laying grass at the house across the street…”

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The WMD’s…

…have been found.

That is all.

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Just A Thought…

About this troop rotation business in Iraq. I do not think that any entire units should be sent back to the States in toto. Rather, they should be relieved a half a company at a time, with the new company being made up of 1/2 vets, and the other half being newbies or refreshed vets.

This should go all the way down to the fire team level. Actually, it should start from there. One half of each fire team leaves and is replaced, two to three squads from each platoon leave and are replaced. The company stays in place, the battallion stays in place, the brigade stays in place, the division stays in place.

This calculation assumes a company of 150-160 men, made up of five platoons, which are made up of four squads.

This bit of having entire units just pack up and leave is wrong, and typical of bureaucratic thinking. It is terribly inefficient, and dangerous to boot. And these rotations should be computerized, and performed stealthily, which means not on fucking CNN with a brass band and flags. The enemy, always watching, should not know if those trucks and helicopters are carrying fresh troops, or bananas.

Sending clumps of green troops in to reinvent the wheel is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. We should have R&R stations all over the Middle East, secure ones, guarded by lightly injured, recovering verterans, where our All Volunteer Military! can go for R&R when they need it. Family men should get a paid two week pass (not including travel time) every four months. No military person should have to serve more than a year in a combat zone without being rotated to a non-combat zone for at least 6 months, unless they volunteer to stay and are medically (and psychologically) cleared to do so.

If I could get away for a few days once a month and fuck and drink my brains out, and sleep with both eyes closed, I would happily stay in combat for the rest of my life.

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I Love This!

Who hasn’t wanted to kick the crap out a nasty old lady?

Live the dream, guys!

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Vox Day…

…nails it.

A libertarian, like a stopped clock, can be right twice a day.

Heh…and, dammit, I fear he may be closer to the truth than I’m comfortable with on his judgements of the way Bush appears to be micromanaging (and fucking up) the ‘war’ in Iraq.

Double Dammit.

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now I got faggots selling me goldfish snack crackers. the perfidy.

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Deja Vu All Over Again…

I wrote the (italicized) below September 20th, ‘02:

Well, I’m sending my wife away for the weekend to a quiet place in the mountains for a ‘retreat’, away from me and the squallin youngn’s…don’t need her freaking out and engaging in an act of terminal child-bathing cuz she never gets a break, and then one fine day she snaps.

The husband of that crazy bitch in Texas, you know the one, bitch got a ‘little overzealous’ while teaching her kids to snorkle… he should be thrown, bound and naked into the cage of a Viagra’d up mountain gorilla…
…and did you see that malignant cunt on Fox News today, slugging her four year old daughter? She goes in the cage next. First (and lesser) offenders should be forced to watch the gorrilla rape video as a warning that next time it could be their ass getting reamed by Koko and his Big Pink Banana.

Fuck privacy, I’m glad that the proliferation of security cameras is catching people like this baby-bashing douchebag…I wanna reach up her snatch and rip out her reproductive organs, like a bloody distributor cap and spurting plug wires…some people just aren’t fit to breed, and they’re just gonna pass on the disease to their kids. I’m almost afraid to see how that poor little girl turns out, assuming she survived the beating.

I once assisted a DA Homicide Investigator in securing a piece of evidence from a crime scene…the ‘evidence’ was the entire west wall of the home’s dining room. The wall was decorated with several interesting and colorful blood-spray patterns, indicating where some animal rat bastard had bashed his toddler son’s head against it many, many times. The DA felt that it would be an effective exhibit to wheel into the courtroom for the jury to see.

It was.

Ahhh, the old days…2002. Funny thing is, she’s away at the same retreat this weekend. It’s become a ritual. She comes back revved up and recharged. She goes up with a group of broads from her church, and apparently they all revert to 16 and get crazy. Wonder if they drum.

My darling son picked today to get sick. He has puked about eleventy times since waking up. I’m greatful to him for not spewing in my bed this morning when he crawled in with me around 7. I managed to sneak in another hour of sleep before he launched into the bathroom with a serious look on his face. He dry-heaved off and on all morning, and then tricked me into giving him a bowl of life cereal.

I just finished cleaning it out of the upstairs rug where he laid down suppressing fire on the carpet, thence to a layup on the rim of the toilet, then a brief but spirited rebound onto the bathroom rug and the shower curtain, before delivering the last hot meals-on-wheels in another layup over the rim and into the upturned face of the bowl.

I yelled some. Little shitbird. I’d put a plastic waste basket by his bed, but some bile demon possessed him to go all Amway and distribute his well-chewed milky goodness all over the fucking place.

My woman better appreciate me giving away my newly precious weekend…

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Another Guy…

…who writes better than me. Dammit. Oh well, he’s going to hell, and I’m not, so there is that satisfaction.

Here’s a sample:

Siberian hamster

I don’t think I’m any less of a man just because while getting dressed I had a black sock resting on my shoulder, forgot about it, bent over, and shrieked like a little girl when a black amorphous rat-like shape suddenly flew into my field of view.
Not at all.

I think I’m less of a man because a little pee escaped.

Read ye all of it.

Oh, just one more:

When they start anally electrocuting the losing team like they do with chinchillas, fine, then I’ll start giving half a shit about who wins these things.

My sentiments on any game that the Raiders aren’t playing in, exactly. Any sport at all, for that matter. And I think that the audience who watch NASCAR should be given little remote controls so that when a certain cars number is punched in enough times it just explodes.

That would be cool.

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A Letter…

To Mrs. du Toit:

Sorry about the email, but the botheration of registration got too burdensome when I got to the Norton blockade.

I just wanted to say that I couldn’t possibly disagree with you more on this. The defense of this nation is too important to leave in the hands of reluctant, surly little cowards.

And, as much as I despise the little hippie bastards of today, I do not want to give the government another power to use and misuse.

Furthermore, we are in enough trouble on the homefront without all of the screaming and whining a draft would engender. And anything Charley Rangel is for just has to be wrong.

I say this as a former Army volunteer, with two sons serving as voluntary Marines.

Let me go even further against a draft…if invaders were encroaching on our shores, I would still be against it. If our young men are not rushing to the call to arms, we deserve to be overrun. It’s that simple.

Regards,

Bane
http://banedad.blogspot.com/

…just in case I haven’t made my feelings on The Draft clear enough to any readers, here.

The Draft: Big Mistake, or Bad Idea?

Both.

Update:

Madame du Toit has directed me to a follow up post of hers on this here.

I am still pondering. It sounds as if we may be in one accord, with minor departures. My idea, that I have touted many times in the past, is to have compulsory government service for two years at the age of eighteen, in any branch of the military, or Forest Service, or Corps of Engineers, or things of that nature. Regardless, at 18, everyone goes through a military style boot camp, including weapons familiarization.

Anyone who chooses to opt out may do so, but they lose all of the basic Privileges that come with being an American citizen, especially any kind of government assistance, and voting. They will have volunteered to become part of a new serf class, and our lawns and streets will benefit mightily.

At any time, up to the age of 35, they may choose to ‘opt back in’, and perform their two years and rejoin American society.

The only exceptions would be the truly handicapped, crippled beyond any ability to even use a touch screen, and the insane, who would then be safely housed away from society.

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I’m Pretty Sure…

…that this is a bad idea.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for torture, when needed, being correctly applied. But it is just as bad an idea as legally sanctioning suicide. People are going to do it if they want to, or have to, but why remove the stigma, and encourage more?

I think you’ll agree with me, when some uniformed goon is applying electricity to your sex button because paragraph 2A in the manual says that yes, in this situation, there is no prohibition against it.

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Another Nail…

…in the coffin of dead liberal ideology.

This article is more proof, if any is needed, that Andy Rooney and the other libtard leftist cockroaches are full of shit up to their raggedy eyebrows.

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Making A List…

…and checking it twice.

All the way down at the bottom we see these names:

The celebrity group includes Helen Hunt, Whoopi Goldberg, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Bacon, Alec Baldwin, Stockard Channing, Cindy Crawford, Sheryl Crow, Ellen DeGeneres, Jane Fonda, the Indigo Girls, Demi Moore, Susan Sarandon, Martin Sheen, Charlize Theron, Uma Thurman and Ted Turner.

If I’d have read this last week, I would not have gone to see ‘Kill Bill 2′, and I’m canceling my plans to go see it again tomorrow. To bad…great movie.

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I Think I Like This Guy…

The GOP’s counter to Terry McAuliffe and the Uber-Vile Bob Mulholland.

Point of interest…I was having trouble remembering Mulhollands name, so I Googled ‘california democratic hitman’, and bing, there it was! Amazing. One of the finest moments in my life was knocking that cocksucker on his ass years ago at a Republican fundraiser in Chico California that he tried to disrupt with a bull horn. I was just there for the beer and the ribs. I never voted in my life until this last election. But I recognized someone who needed an ass kicking, and gave him one. I hope one day to have another opportunity.