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Not Watching The Oscars…

Ever.

And not missing a damn thing.

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Rush Is Right!

He is always remarking on crap like this.

The frigging SUV did it in the parlor with a candlestick. Somehow it managed to drive itself 8.5 miles with a Kraut wedged in it’s suspension.

Speaking of, what kind of freak name is Fitsum Gebreegziabher, anyway? If the SUV is found to be innocent, I suspect suicide.

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What’s The Big Deal?

They already have these…

They’re called ‘Russian Female Athletes’.

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What’s Next?

Are we going to send in the Marines to prop up this asshole?

I’m torn on my feelings about Hatey, and the Marines being sent there today to protect the estimated 20,000 Americans living there. Why not just pass out 20,000 rifles to them? That’s a pretty big force!

On the other hand, 500 Marines can kill a lot of Hate-ians, and that’s a bonus, for sure.

I’m torn.

Qadaffy is learning to play well with others, even if it is to save his own sorry Terrorist For Life ass. As long as he remains an asset (and believe me, having our own pet terrorist leader is one heck of an asset), I think we should do whatever is needed to prop him up and stabilize Libya.

The ‘Shores of Tripoli’ all over again…

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In The Vomitorium…

Nothing like waking up in the middle of a great nap to the sounds of your three year old squawking horribly, and then bursting into the kids’ room to find her standing on her brothers bed, covered in puke, snot, tears, and chunks of salami.

She was screaming that the little shit wasn’t letting her get any kleenex to wipe herself up with and indeed, he had the box hoarded away from her and I went heavily R. Lee Ermey on their worthless little grabastic pieces of shit carcasses and they stared death and mutilation in the face as I began to shriek (in a manly way) for the wife and I picked her snot infested, salami chunk dripping little ass up and held her out in front of me as we launched for the tub and, did I mention she has a cold? Yes, between her bed and his bed and me we were sharing roughly five gallons of rotten tapioca snot she had been swallowing no doubt for days even though she has gone through four boxes of kleenex one after the other as she has to wipe her little button nose daintily if a booger even thinks of dripping out of her…

Fuck me running.

Did I mention the four thousand pieces of postage stamp sized salami chunks? And the partially digested bread? The milk? Now curdled and yoghurt-like and trying desperately to mate with the snot? Strung like Silly-Puke around the room because she didn’t have the sense to stay in her own mess and squawk?

Ohhhhh, and the brother…I warmed his smirking little sister-teasing, kleenex-hiding ass for him, I’ll tell ya. I full-contact smacked his scrawny butt cheeks, and he was grinning at me, so I figured it must be the R. Lee so I turned it off and went into Nicholson and began to act crazy about throwing all of his toys out into the back marsh with all of the snakes and the crocodiles and that got the little bastard sniffling Ha Ha! and I stomped around cleaning up sheets and blankets and bears and clothes and hats and kleenex balls and little suppurating puddles of regurgitant everywhere a staggering little Puke-Bird Sprinkler blinded by tears and salami chunks could deposit them.

Got to hear the wife getting in touch with R. Lee’s feminine side in the bathroom with the daughter…that made me smile…”What were you thinking!! You don’t get up and outta bed with puke on you missy!! Now, Let me hear you say it: ‘Daddy, I puked…come help me!!’…SAY IT!!”

Thank you for letting me share.

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Well, It’s…

…a start.

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Our Russian Friends…

More perfidy from our dear friends?

…which is leading to this?

Ahhh, we are living in interesting times. Add to this story the recent sale of specially equipped long range strike fighters to Israel, and the Mad Mullahs must be Watching The Skies about now.

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His Faithful Servant…

Someone sent this to me, and it made me smile:

The Atheist and the Marine

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, “God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!”

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying,”Here I am, God. I’m still waiting.” He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Marine just released from active duty, and newly registered in the class, walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from his platform.

The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, “What’s the matter with you? Why did you do that?”

The Marine replied, “God was busy; He sent me.”

Semper Fi

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Hatey…

Legend has it that in the year 1804, Haitians sold the island to The Devil for 200 years if he would get rid of the French for them.

That would explain a lot. That we have sent in Marines several times to prop up genuinely evil dictators is a large blot on the soul of America.

The closer you look at the convoluted workings of Haitian politics, and it’s ‘governments’ entwinement with US business interests and wealthy families, the dirtier you feel. We have Haitian blood up to our elbows, not that I really give a shit. Oh, shame on me.

Haiti makes third world countries look prosperous and progressive, yet, just on the other side of the same damn island, the Dominican Republic prospers…same black people, same root stock, so you can’t blame the negroes.

I wouldn’t give a shit about Haiti if it wasn’t for the fact that there are (at least) fifty good Marines there right now, and may God bless them and bring them home from that hellhole in one piece. Heck, fifty Marines could take the whole damn island. Papa Doc was ready to flee in his plane when eight mercenaries attacked him one time.

Aristide is a monster, but I sure would like to know who is sponsoring the ‘rebels’…info is suspiciously lacking on this latest upheaval.

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On Homelessness…

Lee over at Right-Thinking has some thoughts.

I have some thoughts of my own that may surprise you. First let me tell you that I hate the homeless, and would cheerfully pack them off in cattle cars to be gassed. Now that we’ve cleared that up…

There always has been an underclass that are either unwilling or unable to contribute to the society they leach off of.
Accepting this premise, we must also accept that civilized human nature has more of an impulse to drop the pennies into the cup rather than club the miscreant to death.

So, we have a problem, and problems require solutions. Not doing anything at all can be a solution, believe it or not. At the other end of that spectrum, regulating the piss out of a thing, forming government bureaucracies and throwing billions at it is a solution.

Those of you who have read my stuff from the beginning already know the solution I support; choose safe, secure places to set up tent cities for them to live. Separate with barriers the lunatics from the alcoholics, separate quarters for the drug addicts, separate quarters for newly homeless families.

Staff the tent city with retired guards and police, mixed with trainees who will then cycle out into the state’s mental facilities, prisons and freeways to work as guards and State Troopers.

This country is wealthy, and our government is wealthy from taxes. Say what you want about taxes, but they are inevitable. Short of an armed revolution, you have to accept taxes as a reality.

Why not centralize the money, and take away the necessity of funding from states and cities? If they can show a problem and a need, a request to FEMA (who would be perfect to umbrella such an organization) would send out a survey team, and then erect a tent city and provide every service someone who wishes to opt out of society can live comfortably, but cannot clutter up the property of productive citizens.

High performing homeless types, or people who just want to opt out, who don’t want to compete anymore, can just be given a federal welfare card and lay back in subsidized housing. While being a holder of this card, you voluntarily suspend your right to vote, along with (perhaps) other rights and priveleges to be announced because I am just writing this off the top of my head.

I mean it. Quit the sham of unemployment, and all of the other governmental nonsense that surrounds a drastic life change. Just give the American Citizen the option to stay home and survive, just barely, at the level they need to be at to stay off the streets and still keep basic cable and buy some cheap beer.

I mean it. Turn that aid money around that is going to countries that hate us (Palestinians, for fucks sake!!) and turn it inward on our population.

Update:

I think this would also provide a near-perfect solution for the pervasive problem of teen homelessness, where they are victimized by pimps and other assholes.

Provide a safe destination for them, plenty of counseling, law enforcement to deal with their complaints of molest and liaison between the kids’ police departments of origin…and keep them separated from predatory adults.

And keep the fucking priests out.

Bottom Line: Shit happens, and we need to design an efficient machine to deal with the homeless and keep them from panhandling, thieving, and just generally disrupting the homes and businesses and lives of productive Americans.

I can remember a time when this didn’t go on. It was a good time. If it takes a pile of money to solve it, it’s time to pony up.

Of course, the activists who fought to get the homeless out of institutions and onto the streets in the first place will try their shit again.

Those, we kill.

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It’s Making Me Wet!!

This is the Coolest Website Ever! So far, this is my favorite part of it, but I’ve been digging this, too.

This is just fantastic!

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And Now For Something Completely Different…

Breath…

[turn your speakers up]

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Another Thread Gets Wacky…

Bill over at Bloviating Inanities suggested I post this, so, why not…free filler:

I never get zits, but the other day I got two, one on my forehead near the hairline, and another one low on my ass. I pondered busting them both at the same time, but I worried that I might just explode like one of those party poppers. As an aside, wives hate it when you ask them to bust your butt-boil cuz you can’t see it.
Also, standing on the bathroom counter to see your ass in the mirror is dangerous, and can result in some minor damage, but your kids will just laugh and laugh.

Posted by Bane at February 26, 2004 03:15 PM

The blackboard thing never bothered me. The whole class would cringe en masse when I passed a blackboard, and sometimes I would, and sometimes I wouldn’t…ahhhh, the Power.

But wood…yeesh, popsicle sticks, tongue depressors, wooden spoons…just writing this makes me want to puke. I don’t like wood in my mouth.

Posted by Bane at February 26, 2004 03:19 PM

You’re a freak, Bane.

Posted by Bill at February 26, 2004 04:29 PM

I would give good money to see Bane with a wooden spoon stuck in his mouth.

Posted by Madonna at February 26, 2004 04:41 PM

Just reading that line made me gag. I’m gonna name my next boil Madonna if you don’t watch out.

Posted by Bane at February 26, 2004 06:40 PM

I think I heard somewhere that the white gooey stuff is puss which is actually just dead little white cells that have banzai charged all the really gross bacteria living in the billions of little holes all over our bodies.

So it’s sort of like ‘burial on mirror’. Have a bit more respect as you make that face and wipe them away before casting them in the toilet for the oblivion of a sewer entombment. They gave their little lives for you, you ungrateful bastard.

A worse sound than braces on a chalkboard is a scream – and that would be your own as the braces get tangled in your pubies. That’s way worse. Fortunately that hasn’t happened in over 25 years.

Posted by Wind Rider at February 27, 2004 07:39 AM

Bane, you are just too kind to me.
WR you are one sick puppy. Actually, are you and Bane the same person ?

Posted by Madonna at February 27, 2004 09:02 AM

No. My braces story involve hers getting stuck in the living room rug and my parents are about to come home and I don’t know what to do so I call her best girlfriend who rushes over with a pair of cuticle scissors and trims the rug away from her braces and they both leave crying and I have to make up this lame story to explain why there’s a ‘chewed by wolverines’ looking patch out of the carpet in front of the fireplace…and why it’s wet.

Posted by Bane at February 27, 2004 11:47 AM

Dear God, you’re a sick bastard, Bane. You need to post that shit. It’s classic.

But the real reason I’m commenting it to make it an even 20 comments.

Posted by Bill at February 27, 2004 01:33 PM

I want to know when you developed your fear of wood.

Posted by Madonna at February 27, 2004 01:34 PM

Honestly? It may have been from my very early childhood when doctors were God and could be as abusive as they want to little kids and get away with it. I have memories from as early as six months old, and I can recall being very little and having ham-handed bullies in white with large glaring silver discs on their heads digging a huge board around in my throat making me gag and then slapping me and telling me “don’t be such a baby!” and fuck! I WAS a damn baby…

Dammit.

Posted by Bane at February 27, 2004 01:45 PM

So there…and if you go to Bill’s site to post, be gentle…he’s very sensitive and caring, and easily hurt.

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The Goddess Ann Speaks!

Go, and worship…

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The Last Nail…

Go to this website and scroll down to read this fresh if you want, but I am going to post it here in case yellow on black print hurts your eyes as much as it did mine.

Read on:

My wife had rotator cuff surgery earlier this year, and the recovery is terribly painful. Then, she developed a staph-epi infection, and they had to cut the same scar open and operate on her again. Just thinking about the pain and anxiety of facing that painful surgery a second time in the same wound, makes me cringe. That experience, however pales in comparison to what I am going through right now, in my heart.

The old hurts are surfacing and the feelings of betrayal by fellow citizens, and their leader stirring them up, are breaking my heart again. I am being cut in the same scar. How did we who served in Vietnam suddenly become cold-blooded killers, torturers, and rapists, of the ilk of the Nazi SS or the Taliban? Most of us were American soldiers who grew up idolizing John Wayne, Roy Rogers, and all the other heroes. That was why I volunteered. But for political expediency, John Kerry has rewritten history, again. After spending only four months in the country of Vietnam, John Kerry testified before Congress in 1971 with these exact words about incidents he supposedly witnessed or heard about from other vets: ?They personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside of South Vietnam.”

I was a green beret officer who volunteered for duty in Vietnam and fought in the thick of it in 1968 and 1969 on a Special Forces A-team on the Ho Chi Minh Trail, just for starters. We were the elite. We saw the most action. Everybody in the world knows that. But we did not just kill people, we built a church, a school, treated illnesses, passed out soap, food, and clothing, and had fun and loving interaction with the indigenous people of Vietnam, just like our boys did in Normandy, Baghdad, Saigon, and everywhere American soldiers ever served. We all gave away our candy bars and rations to kids. Our hearts to oppressed people all over the globe.

My children and grandchildren could read your words, and think those horrendous things about me, Mr. Kerry. You are a bold-faced, unprincipled liar, and a disgrace, and you have dishonored me and all my fellow Vietnam veterans. Sure, there were a couple bad-apples, but I saw none, and I saw it all, and if I did, as an army officer, it was my obligation to stop it, or at the very least report it. Why is there not a single record anywhere of you ever reporting any incidents like this or having the perpetrators arrested? The answer is simple. You are a liar. Your medals and mine are not a free pass for lifetime, Senator Kerry, to bypass character, integrity, and morality. I earn my green beret over and over daily in all aspects of my life.

Eight National Guard green berets, and other National Guard soldiers, have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, and you totally dishonored their widows and families by lumping National Guard service in with being a draft-dodger, conscientious objector, and deserter, just so you can try to sabotage the patriotism of our President who proudly served as an Air National Guard jet pilot. I have a son earning his green beret at Fort Bragg right now, and his wife serves honorably in the Air National Guard, just like President Bush did, and I am as proud of her as I am my son. I volunteered for Vietnam and have no problem whatsoever with President Bush being our Commander-In-Chief. In fact, I am proud of him as our leader.

John Kerry, you personally derailed the Vietnam Human Rights Bill, HR2883, in 2001, after it had passed the House by a 411 to 1 vote, and thousands of pro-American Montagnard tribespeople in Vietnam died since then who could have been saved, by you. Earlier, as Chair of the Senate Select Committee on MIA/POW Affairs, you personally quashed the efforts of any and all veterans to report sightings of living POW?s, when you held those reins in Congress. You have fought tooth and nail to push for the US to normalize relations with Vietnam for years. Why, Mr. Kerry? Simple, your first cousin C. Stewart Forbes, CEO, of Colliers International, recently signed a contract with Hanoi, worth BILLIONS of dollars for Collier?s International to become the exclusive real estate representative for the country of Vietnam.

?Hanoi John,? now that it works for you, you beat your chest about your Vietnam service, but to me, you are a phony, opportunistic, hypocrite. You are one of those politicians that is like a fertilizer machine: all that comes out of you is horse manure, and you are spreading it everywhere.

Medals do not make a man. Morals do.

Don Bendell

Canon City, Colorado

Right on…

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Free Titties…

Normally I don’t post porn, but this looks like art to me.

It should be a law that women like these go naked 24/7.

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A Plug For God…

You guys seem to be bummed about my unemployment post. I’ve recieved emails, phone calls, and seen your comments.

Stop it. God has never ever once let me down. The miracles are too many to mention…the fat checks that arrive in the mail, the job offers out of nowhere, etc.

If I was an athiest, I would have to conclude that I was the luckiest sonofabitch on the planet, and I’ve had too much bad luck for that to make any sense.

Nope, God must like me for some reason, or maybe He just likes my wife and I’m Collateral Damage. Whatever, I accept. God has been very very good to me.

Speaking of God, my wife just called me from what is apparently a huge line outside of the theatre for the noon showing of ‘The Passion’ an hour from now. Good thing she bought her ticket a couple of days ago…every show for every day listed in Fandango is sold out.

I expect her to come home and spend the rest of the day in bed. I wonder if I’ll have the guts to see it.

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Unsolicited Publicity…

A new blog is born. The walls are pretty bare, and there’s nothing in the fridge as yet, but what the hey!

Go break his cherry!

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Updates!!!

There are several down below, so get your lazy finger scrolling (Hint: Gay Marriage).

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ENTERPRISE TONIGHT!

I’ll take no job that interferes with that.

Dammit.

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I Want To Make A Point…

…that I have made here before. Since none of you slackers read my archives, and I appear to be getting new readers, I’ll make it again.

It is a point of honor to me that I write extemporaneously, as I think of a thing, with very little editing at all. I will sometimes go back and fix spelling errors (I can never spell personnel correctly without looking it up) and (rarely) fix egregious grammar convolutions, but usually, what you see is all you get.

If I want to write a friggin research paper, I’ll go back to college and get credit for it.

What you get here is a little news, and my opinion about everything. The addition of a comments section takes it perilously close to the type of communal efforts I despise. Squatters tend to move in and take over. I’ve been guilty of that myself.

You may note that many posts are only a few minutes apart. That is not me cutting and pasting from elsewhere, that is my brain rattling, and pouring out the bitter swill that has been percolating all day.

Anyway, have fun, and THINK…IBM had it right.

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Update To ‘I Almost Agree, But…’ post (below)

The inestimable Vox Day somehow found out about this post from me and this post from Rat Spleen and took us both to task.

There is still giving and taking going on about this issue…I still think I’m mostly right.

Duh.

Interesting times…

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Possible Hiatus…

Well, the Oregon Legislature decided they needed the money more than I did, so, instead of an unemployment check today, I recieved a notice I’ve been cut off this week instead of the middle of April like I was planning on. Shame, since along with my VA Disability check, we were doing quite well.

This means that, come tomorrow morning, I hit the bricks running to find some sort of work so the ole family can survive and thrive.

This also means that blogging will probably be something I cut, or reduce sharply. One has to make time to watch TV now, doesn’t one?

Ah, well…it was fun while it lasted.

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Call Yourself A Conservative?

Where the fuck are all of these Rush-listening, conservative, entrepreneurial cheerleaders on the Iraq situation?

Why aren’t they putting their money where their mouths are?

If I inherited/won a pile of money tomorrow, I would be over there lazer-quick with a few Harvard MBA’s in tow (and some damn good translators) and I would be starting fast food franchises and businesses right and left…I would start with a big fat Wackenhut or Pinkerton private security franchise staffed by Iraqis.

This is such a booming, frontier scenario, I cannot believe that there are not hordes of carpetbaggers with piles of disposable income in Iraq right now, pimping everything from pizza to prayer rugs. I would hire only Iraqi’s, and turn Baghdad into LA, and be a billionaire inside of five years.

And the agrarian potential? With links to American farm equipment and chemical companies? Jeezly Crow, you could start at the coast with desalinization plants, work your way inland with canals, making ponds and lakes as you go, and terraform Iraq inside of fifty years.

Maybe it is all about the oil?

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Do You, Bruce, Take This Fag?

I haven’t spoken much on the subject of the current attempt to destroy another sacred institution.

I really don’t want to. It nauseates me, and fans my usual hatred white hot.

Even as I write this, the douchebag in charge of GLAAD is on Dennis Miller trying to sell fag marriage to the general public. I could leave it alone if they stayed in the closet where they belong.

They don’t, so I won’t.

Generally, I think fucking with the Constitution is a terrible idea. Terrible. But now, I want this thing put to rest once and for all…put to fucking death. A constitutional amendment putting a stake through the heart of this issue is desperately needed to keep these deviant activists face down in the mud where they belong.

The media aside, there is a huge monster out there waiting to pounce on fagdom…statistics show a good, strong 70% of Americans just hate this shit. And we are still a Democracy. Even a pro-fag liberal like John Kerry is afraid to buck this tide.

The narcissistic queers, slaves to their nature and their handicap, don’t have any choice but to shoot themselves in the foot on this, and shoot they are.

Shit happens, and it’s gonna happen soon.

Sorry, babe.

Update:

I wrote this on another blog, and it will probably be my last word on the subject, unless something interesting comes along:

Marriage is a timeless, time honored, and sacred institution, blessed by God who appears to have been the first one to perform one and set the standard that it is between a man and a woman.

I have no problem with the state being involved in it, seeing that the couples are suitable and healthy (medically) for each other, and charging a small fee.

The life changing nature of marriage, and the fact that it is likely to produce more taxpayers for the state, and the cost of raising and nurturing those taxpayers, makes it obvious that some sort of tax break is the right thing to do for a traditional heterosexual couple who are honoring God and themselves.

Any other argument against this is just libertarian homo twaddle, and throwing the tragedy of divorce into the mix is a complete red herring.

Mankind is a fallen and corrupt thing, and destined to fail at every turn, and yet we strive to do good, and set noble goals for ourselves.

Just because marriages fail, doesn’t mean the institution is wrong. Humanity fucks up everything it touches, eventually. You don’t kill a ward full of infants because a few of them might grow up to become murderers.

Yet Another Update:

Go read Fred Reed on this…I’m surprised to find we are in one accord.

ANOTHER Update, Dammit:

I wrote this in another blog, and wish to store it here in case I have to whap some homo over the head with it again:

Homo writes: Don’t use the Bible as a weapon.

I shall have to hoist Mr Sizer on his own canard…this tired nonsense of bringing up Leviticus is as facile as attempting to discredit the Founding Fathers because they used outhouses and didn’t have electricity.

Unlike the Constitution, the Bible IS a living, breathing document, with a beginning, a middle, and a coming end.

Jeremiah 31, 28 on says how those Levitican rules were lifted (and Ezekial 18), and Romans 1:21-32 lays out how the Son of God felt about the matter (try Hebrews 8: 8-12 & 10: 8-12 too).

Since you doubtless have a nice big Bible like Clinton did when it served him, you should be able to see the progression of laws and covenants pertaining to a nomadic people on up into ‘modern’ Bible times where the gospel began to go out into the world.

The only consistent theme is that God really does not like homosexual activity.

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I Keep Tellin Ya!

Just another reason, in case you needed one, to hate Mexicans.

Some supporting evidence…

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Turd Flu…

Well, the chickens are coming home to roost…quite literally.

All of the Greedy Capitalistic Pigs that have hired illegal labor in the border states, specifically Texas, may have just cut loose the first pandemic since 1918 on the American Public.

Here’s how it works:

Gringo hires Wetbacks, saves money, makes money…

Ragheads (or other lower life forms) introduce a bammed up version of Avian Flu that is transmittable and fatal to humans into the mass chicken farming population…

Authorities do what they usually do, show up, which causes said Beaners to scatter to the four winds, each of them becoming a disease vector of their very own.

Why worry about cropdusters when you can get a trained and experienced ‘force’ of illegals to carry your pathogen to the four winds to avoid deportation? They will hide better than any commando, and there is an already established ‘underground railroad’ to support them.

And this line from the above linked article:

The strain, found in Gonzales County in South Texas, poses little threat to people, said Dr. Nancy Cox of the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Would you by a used car from this woman? Would you bet your life that she is not following long established protocol to avoid panicking the American Sheeple?

Thought so.

So, the next time you see a Mexican sneezing and blowing their nose, shoot them.

Heh…I wish.

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Bloviating Fucktard…

Am I the only one who saw that senile old colostomy bag Andy Rooney shooting off his stroke-stricken mouth last night?

A mighty wail should be rising up across the land to have his head on a pole, and yet I hear nary a whimper.

Here is a transcript of his vomit.

Try not to, yourselves.

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Lileks…

He and I have so much in common it’s scary.

His daugher is called Gnat…mine’s Nat. He loves Enterprise…ditto.

His wife got shafted in her government job. I got shafted in mine.

Wow.

Except she just got another job, and he makes money at his writing. I guess we don’t really have anything much in common at that…

Dang.

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Bring It On!

I can think of no strategy better than this to ensure a Bush victory.

Please, hippies? Show up and raise unholy heck? Pretty please?

The Silent Majority is watching, and they will roll out in droves to vote for GW to quash just this sort of dissent.